Superhero
by BooksDon'tLie
Summary: Tony had always wanted to be a super hero. Tonys thoughts from childhood to after the Avengers movie. Mentions of abuse.


Tony had always wanted to be a superhero. The kind that saved the day, the kind that always did the right thing. The kind like Captain America.

Tony had always wanted to be a superhero. He didn't have the same reasons as the other boys he saw playing around in their capes. No, he didn't want to be a superhero because everybody would look up to him and like him. He wanted to be the son his dad wanted, a guy who wore red, white, and blue, carried a shield, and happened to be a superhero.

Tony knew he would never be Captain America, even if all he did was things Captain America did, or said things Captain America would say. It wouldn't work, (Tony would know, he had tried for about a month) His dad would see him as the failure he is/was. Tony was told that enough times already.

But what stung Tony the most, other then the slaps that his dad would lay upon him from time to time, what scarred him the most, other then the cuts of broken glasses that his dad threw at Tony, was that Tony was related to him and his dad chose a stranger he had barely known and was probably dead, over Tony, his own flesh and blood.

After the Superhero thing didn't work in Tony's favor, he tried to impress his dad. He built circuit boards, engines, and robots, but all his dad seemed interested in was weapons.

Tony had never really liked weapons. He thought of them as the villains, so if Tony was a superhero, he couldn't build them, but if he wanted his fathers approval, weapons was something had could put up with, and anyway the superhero thing wasn't working, (and Tony didn't like having to sneak out of his dad's office bloody) so when his dad asked him to build a missile after he had been drinking, Tony did, because it was always worse after his dad went drinking, and he wanted to worm his way into his dad's heart some how.

After building the weapon Tony felt sick, but after doing it a few more times it was just bearable. Tony still wondered why he did it though, he sometimes wondered if his dad's heart was really what he wanted.

"Daddy," he asked, on one of the good days he thought he actually had a chance of making his dad approve of him.

"What?" Howard said, a little harshly.

"I want to be a superhero, but I build weapons and villains build weapons," Tony said.

They were his fears, that he would end up to be the exact opposite of Captain America, because really, he is.

His dad didn't have an answer for him that day, but he finally found something that would manipulate Tonys little mind.

"These weapons are helping soldiers like Steve Rodgers," Howard would say over and over again. "You can't be a superhero but you can help out the super heroes by doing this, Captain America would do anything he could to help out America, would you."

Tony would immediately answer yes. Because wasn't that what he was going for, to be like captain America, no he was trying to impress his dad, but maybe being Captain America would impress his dad. Even though Tonys dad told him this when ever he had doubts, Tony didn't know what he thought about being an indirect Superhero, but that's probably all he's going to get.

As Tony grew up, he was made into the perfect weapon making machine. He did what he was told and made exactly what everybody wanted, and it worked out because he was a genius. His dad stopped abusing him, because he had gotten what he wanted, a kid who could continue the company and not ruin the family name. _Stark men are made of Iron._

Tony knew he was being used, but he didn't care, his dad finally accepted him. He had succeeded, but did it really feel all that good. All he did was make himself into a servant to his own dad.

When Tony went to collage, all he did in his spare time, was build weapons. He wasn't free like he thought he would be. No, his dad was blackmailing him. He would take him out of M.I.T. if he didn't continue his work. So he labored on. The nights when his father had hit him plagued his dreams and would keep him up at night.

When his parents death comes, Tony finally feels free, free of the need to be a superhero, free of the need to be a weapons builder. But then Obadiah comes along, and Tony gets pushed right back unto the whole he dug for himself when he was very young, Tonys not free.

Tony just wants to build robots, anything but weapons, but that's what he was meant to do, Obadiah tells him. He was meant to be an indirect hero, who was really an indirect villain. Not a Captain America.

Then Afghanistan happens. He gets a heart full of shrapnel and an electro magnet as his keep sake from that.

He meets Yinsen a man who is more of a hero than Tony. Sure Tony built the suit and everything, but Yinsen was the one to lay down on the wire. He saved Tonys life twice and Tony saved his once, but he didn't manage to save it when it counted.

So Tony doesn't just come out with the shrapnel and the magnet, he comes out with a heavy heart. Howard was right, there's no way Tony could be a superhero.

When he gets back to the real world, he's not himself and he probably never will be again. Dreams of the water-boarding wake him up at night, he can't even take a bath with out having a flash back. Tonys had them before, because of Howard, he just never had them this bad.

Tony then goes and gets his heart ripped out of his chest by his god father that he thought of as a dad, but now Tony knows Howard could have been worse, he could have been Obadiah.

Tony knows he could let go, He could just not get the other arc reactor. But he doesn't and he doesn't know why, maybe for Pepper, or Rhodey, or the worlds safety (but he's not a superhero, so that doesn't make sense) and as Tonys putting the arc reactor in he knows it's for Yinsen, because he told Tony not to waste his life so he's not going to waste Yinsen's death.

Then Tony fights Obadiah and he tells Pepper to blow the arc reactor even when Tonys still on the roof, because the world doesn't need Tony Stark, (because he's not a super hero) and maybe Tony Stark doesn't need Tony Stark.

Then Tony goes and tells the world he's Iron man after he survives the Obadiah thing. And he realizes he must be very lucky, (just like heroes, accept he's not one)

He tells the world he's Iron man, maybe because he's self obsessed, but honestly he isn't, maybe he says it because he's not a superhero, and superheroes never reveal there identities, but he knows he just wants other people to think he's a hero and maybe he will start to believe to and he'll be caught up in his own fantasies.

Palladium comes along, and he doesn't tell anyone, _Stark men are made of Iron._

This will be a nice way to go out, he thinks. But then S.H.I.E.L.D. tells him about another element he could maybe create, and he pretended to be surprised, but he really just wanted nobody to notice.

Then there's the fight with Hammer and Tonys not dying anymore and he can just live.

Then Fury calls him in to talk about his little Avengers team he was creating. A band of superheroes. Exactly the place where Tony didn't belong. And of course he is only an consultant in the end. Because Tonys not a hero and everybody knows it.

Tony thinks he's done and can just rest with Pepper now, then Agent comes in and Tony ended up making the cut into Fury's super secret boy band and Tony finally meets the Captain America.

When Tony read that he was alive he could barely hold back a panic attack, but now, knowing he would meet him, Tony felt suicidal again.

He and Captain America hit it off nicely, with a nice fight that makes Tony feel panic rise in the back of his mind. _You're not the one to make the sacrifice play_, he's right that was Yinsen, even though Tony tried he really did.

All the words Steve said reminded Tony of things Howard used to say to him, on the bad nights.

_You may not be a threat but you better stop pretending to be a hero_, that was the worst, Tony knew he wasn't a hero, Captain America didn't need to yell it out loud and in his face.

Then there's the war, and Tony makes the sacrifice move, but really all he's thinking about is how he's not even a part of the Avengers and not a hero, they could live with out him. So he flys through that portal, not expecting to come back out again, but when he does and Steve apologizes a few days later a Tony isn't feeling so bad, but the feeling comes back, it always does.

Tony stares at the light of the arc reactor. He holds it in one hand, just staring at it. Wondering if he should put it back in or not, but then he hears Clint's voice over the speakers saying that it's time for movie night and he better get his but up there fast of Natasha is going to give him her world famous wedgie.

Tony puts his arc reactor back in and puts his mask back on for just a little while longer.

Because maybe the Avengers need some Tony Stark.

So as he walks into the living room of Avengers Tower he says, "did anybody miss their favorite superhero?"

They all role their eyes and Tony feels like he could keep pretending for a little while longer.


End file.
